


small moments for big boys

by inacolloquialsense



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: M/M, does include some naughty bits but not really graphic, drunk hijinks in an alley, over the pants groping so if that's not your thing then look elsewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-29 16:16:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12088677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inacolloquialsense/pseuds/inacolloquialsense
Summary: a collection of short ones including:+q's plastered. murr intervenes (fairly unsuccessfully)+holidays are times for joy+new year's bash for the bashful+prospects for parenthood





	1. i swear to drunk i'm not god

**Author's Note:**

> based on: send me nudes when you get home, so i know you’re safe

Never in the world has a living being ever focused as hard as Quinn while he’s trying to type in an address into a box to get an Uber home. He’s five jack and cokes in with enough sips from Murray’s abandoned old fashioned to equal an extra shot possibly two. It’s the stupid screen that refuses to stay in focus, and his hands have grown twice as big, clunky and mistake prone. 

This is not the most drunk he has ever been, not nearly close even, and yet he can’t stop laughing and holding onto strangers. Getting dirty looks or shoves until he finds his way to James. Oh sweet James, his best friend in the whole wide world. The rat shit who is probably the most devious, awful human he will ever meet. The guy who despite his dumb fucking chicken legs is holding Q up as he hails a cab.

“N-nonono I got thiss. See there’s an app for that,” he indicates to the dark screen of his phone. “Well there wass one a-at some point.”

Murr leans him up against a brick wall, pinning him there with a hand to his left shoulder. “You’re really out of it, man. Can you try to wait here, so I can get you a ride home?”

“No.” Q fell foward. “TRUSS FALL!”

“Shit, you fat fuck.” Murray wobbled a little before propping him back onto the wall. “If you do that again you’re face first in that mystery puddle.” The mystery being probably urine.

Quinn wrinkled his nose. “What crawled up your ass and died?” He cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered. “Come close, I need to tell you something.” Rolling his eyes Murr humored him and leaned in. “I fucking love booze!” Q yelled then tackled him, wrapping his arms around his neck and shoulders. “And I love you, too. When you’re less of a human piece of shit.” Quinn gave a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

“I’m.” Murr straightened his spine. “Very.” He failed at unlatching Q’s arms. “Flattered.” His hands ineffectively scratched at the sleeves of the jacket Brian was wearing. “Really, but please let go. You need to go home.” Stepping backwards under Quinn’s weight. “Oof, ow.” He hit a wall.

Brian started cackling into his neck, nuzzling him affectionately. “See? You’re so funny. I love that about you.”

“Ah-a-ah. Stop that.” James became flustered when Q kept rubbing himself on the sensitive skin. “Q. Ah, huh,” he exhaled sharply.

“Little Murr gonna make an appearance?” Brian said, smile evident in his voice and his lips pressed on Murr’s throat. He pushed in closer, taking his spot in between James’ wide stance.

“P-please. Now’s not really a good time.” Murray breathed though his nose, trying to focus on the fact that they were in a piss-filled back alley. The amount of diseases he’d get for just touching this wall was enough to sober him up. “Brian, calm down.”

“Tell yourself that,” he said, grinding his hips. “I might have whiskey dick, but you feel pretty lively.” Brian slid a hand to the front of Murr’s pants, kneading at the zip area.

Murray beat his fist into the brick wall, frowning when it came back sticky with some unknown substance. “You’re r-really not helping me.”

“I think I am,” Q hummed, innocent as can be as he returned to a looser version of his previous position. His forearms rested gently on James’ shoulders. “But, you’re the boss.”

“Thank you,” he said relieved. “I’ll hail a cab for you, uh, in a few minutes hopefully.” Murr looked down and fixed himself in his pants.

“I still think alley sex could have been fun.” Quinn lifted his eyes hopefully.

“It’s filthy here,” he said, looking almost offended at the idea.

Brian shrugged. “I guess that’s part of the appeal.” They parted, so Murr had space to settle down. “And how is this night going to end? I get drunk. You’re all hot and bothered, but now we have to go our separate ways. I mean not to say I need to get off with you every night.” He gesticulated wildly, like words might be plucked from the air. 

“I know, I know, but if you stayed at my place or if I went to yours it’d be this whole thing. I’m just tired and not in the mood to do anything,” he sounded apologetic. “Saturday we can redo this whole thing. By then I’ll be recharged.”

“That’s almost a full week,” Q paced back and forth. “What if something happens between now and then? Either of us could be kidnapped. I’m bound to have a heart attack at some point.”

Murr shook his head, sighing away a smile. “You’re really adamant about this.” 

Car headlights could be seen waiting at the street near the beginning of the alley. “Nah, just sobering up enough to argue.” His phone went off. “Well, that’s me.” Quinn grabbed James’ face and pulled him close to kiss his cheek messily. “Mwah. Seeya later. Send me nudes when you get home, so I know you’re safe.”

Murray laughed as he wiped spit off with his palm. “If you’re lucky.”

Q didn’t stop walking as he spoke over his shoulder. “Oh I know I am. I landed you.”


	2. sweet christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> don we now our gay apparel  
> based on: getting ready for nights out together

In the defense of Christmas sweaters it can be stated their very purpose is to offput the senses. They are cheaply made or hastily crafted creations meant for optical consumption but once a year. Unless of course your Aunt, Grandma, or Ma made it. Which means you fucking love the shit out of that colorful piece of trash or you’re going to get ripped a new one for being rude to your family. They’re your flesh and blood. If you reject them then you might as well be taking a steak knife to your poor Mother’s heart. Jackass.

Q didn’t disappoint.

“Please tell me this is a joke,” Murr said while pushing a lint roller down his lapels. “A sick twisted joke that you are going to remove then burn.”

It was patterned with repeating bats and pine tree cutouts running down the back and arms. Bright blue as the background to the dark grey and green shapes. The front was cadmium yellow with Batman and Santa pasted to the front, both smiling and embracing in a side-hug.

“C’mon. It’s funny.” Quinn stretched the bottom hem down and looked at the design. “And it’s Christmas-y. It was either this or the red one with Santa and Jesus high fiving during a mid-air jump.”

“You are being ridiculous.” Murray put in his cuff links, small silver pine trees. “There are going to be people where we’re going. Not only Sal, Joe, and our friends, but real people with camera phones and working eyes.”

“Babe.” Brian grabbed James’ shoulders and locked onto his gaze. “It’s an office Christmas party. Someone’ll probably be xeroxing their ass tonight. Don’t worry about a stupid sweater.”

“Yeah, fine.” Murr kissed him briefly before speaking again. “But if you don’t brush your hair I’m leaving you.”

“Oh don’t tease me,” Q said as he walked into the bathroom for his comb. The fucking thing was always so tricky. Last time he found it behind the couch. “Hey James, have you seen my-”

“Middle right drawer on my side.” Murr stood in front of the full length mirror in the bedroom. His look was nearly complete.

“There’s only bow ties here. Who keeps a drawer of bow ties in the bathroom?” Brian looked out the open door quizzically.

Murray sighed. “I do. They’re hard to tie without a mirror. Now bring me the dark green one.”

Q appeared behind him, tie in hand, and he sighed for a second time. “Oh shuddup,” Brian replied.

“What garbage dump did you even find that thing?” Murr looked at him through the mirror.

“Excuse you. My Grandmother found this for me before she passed.” He saw the look of confusion on Murray’s crinkled brow before realization hit him. Quinn got smacked on the chest with the back of his hand. 

“You’re full of shit.” The wrinkles only got deeper into an exaggerated frown until James laughed.

“Yeah.” Brian smirked right back at him. “I bought it off Ebay the last time I got vodka drunk.”

“Well, it’s a conversation starter. That’s for certain.” Murray opened the dresser and pulled the brush out, handing it to Quinn in trade for the tie. “Now, clean yourself up. I need to remember how to tie this.” 

Q went into the other room and worked through his messy hair as fast as he could. Minutes later he emerged, smooth and glossy. Murr was still fussing with some part of his jacket sleeve. He snuck up and cupped his ass through his trousers. “I guess there’s not much chance for a quickie.”

Murray took a step forward away from Quinn. “No. In that thing you’re not coming close to anything but your hand.” He took a last glance at his outfit, satisfied with his appearance, then left the bedroom. “C’mon. The sooner we get there the sooner we’re back here and I can get you out of that sweater.” Q trotted behind him.


	3. slow dancing in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this time they're hosting a new year's eve party

Auld Lang Syne hung in the air, playing from an old record that skipped on the third verse. Q was gifted it from a thrift shop during a white elephant party and used it every New Year’s Eve. He liked how it was worn and somewhere in the past it had been loved, carefully kept away from damaging hands. That is until Murray tried putting it on and immediately scratched it. Water under the bridge.

“We should go on vacation,” he said.

Murr turned his head. “Isn’t that what we’re doing right now?” He returned his eyes to the people milling about the party.

A mixture of old friends and family mingled together in a way not entirely natural, but Q wasn’t getting chewed out for not inviting anyone. They wanted to be here, so they can suffer the consequences and small talk about how they wasted yet another year of their life.

“No, not eating leftover cold pizza and cheap champagne. I mean let’s go somewhere.” Brian rubbed the stiff cloth of James’ shirt cuff. “We could go to Guantanamo for all I care.”

Murray shifted uncomfortably. “I hate flying, and we barely have time between our schedules. There are places all over the city to go.”

“What about somewhere close? Like Atlantic City or Vermont. It doesn’t have to be big, just a change of scenery.” Q opened his legs to touch his thigh to Murr’s. “We could rent a Catskills cabin. You, me, a bed, and no one for miles.”

The thought of it swirled around his mind. “A cabin does sound nice.” He grinned before adding. “One of the newer ones with wifi and a fireplace.”

They rubbed shoulders. “We can pack up my car and be there in two hours.”

“What? What do you mean? Now?” Murr questioned. “We’re in the middle of a New Year’s party. There’s-” He lifted Quinn’s wrist to look at his watch. “-six minutes left until midnight.”

“Wishful thinking.” He laughed it off. Q stood up quickly, wobbling a little before taking Murray’s hand. “I don’t want to start the new year sitting.”

There was an internal debate on whether it was worth moving. “Fair enough.” James lifted out of his seat. 

Looping his arms around his waist, Brian began to sway slowly. “Let’s dance. Like we should have at prom.”

“You never stayed long enough to dance.” Murray crossed his wrists behind Q’s head. “Or never came at all.”

“I’ll make it up to you. We’ll wear the floor out of the cabin we’re gonna rent.”


	4. only one thing on the brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BABIES BABIES BABIES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> something off of: “How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?”

They were sitting in a breakfast nook. On the table was a full breakfast Q had made. Murr was reading the fucking newspaper. This was all some weird Twilight Zone 50′s sitcom shit. What the actual fucking fuck had happened? Rhetorical question. Joe happened. Him and his stupid mail subscriptions.

Joe was taking a while to move house and needed a steady address to forward his mail to temporarily. He chose Murr, who stupidly agreed. James put it all in his bag earlier that morning to give to him, but he wasn’t able to make it over in time before going on his trip. Now everything was scattered around the cabin, and the damage has been done.

“It’s not some inconceivable far off notion,” Brian said. “There are options.”

“We’re not even married. I-it wouldn’t be appropriate,” he struggled to get out. Murray rubbed his palms over the stubble of hair on his head. “I can barely keep your cats alive when you’re away.”

“How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?” Q stabbed some eggs onto his fork. “We can’t have baby by accident, and I’m not stealing one off the streets. This just might be a future possibility.” He waved his fork to make a point then ate pensively.

“Not only do kids hate me, but I hate them back.” Murr put fingers in front of his face to count. “They’re messy. They’re expensive. They’re something that takes over your entire life, completely changing who you are. Kids are so fragile and difficult to raise. A-and it’s one of the biggest commitments a person can make.” His eyes were wrinkled, like he was in pain, and his voice was panicked.

“Jeez, all right, buddy.” Q clapped a hand on his back, rubbing gently. “Breathe, man. I won’t bring it up again.”

Murr lifted his hands from his head. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re not really. You’re looking out for your own ass. But the fact that you say it means a lot,” Quinn smirked at him. “Who knew babies were your kryptonite.”

“So much responsibility.” Murr stared out into space.

“They’re work but also bundles of love.” He was looking at the cover of BabyTalk magazine, displaying a bouncing baby boy. Smiling and reaching towards the camera. “Just look at that face. Can’t you imagine?”

“I can,” Murr puffed out a breath. “That’s the problem. Babies, real life screaming and shitting, human babies are not fun. Very dissimilar to your cats who you can leave for days at time or the cute animals you got to hold at the zoo for an hour.” James grabbed the magazine and walked across the room to put it on the already growing stack by the door.

Murray had half a mind to trash every issue. Tomorrow he’d shove the entire pile into Joe’s face and have a few words with him about his moving situation. He’d have to forward everything to Sal or get a PO box.

“Yeah. Okay,” Quinn said, visibly deflating as he poked at his food.

Worry filled Murr’s face as he walked back. He rubbed at Q’s shoulders from behind the chair. “I’m sorry, but honestly we’re… well at least I’m not ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be.”

Brian placed his hands over James’. “It was just wishful thinking. Doesn’t really mean anything.”

“I love you.” Murray rubbed his thumb on the side of his Quinn’s neck. “We’ll see Joe’s brats enough to be sick of kids.”

For a moment they enjoyed their company. Silence of a known truth shared between two people. Q pushed away his plate in disinterest, so Murr started cleaning up. He picked up the dishes and set them in the sink. The water rushing from the tap drowned out his thoughts for a moment.

Familiar arms wrapped around his waist, and he leaned his head on Brian’s shoulder. “Are you mad at me?”

“I’ve been pissed at you for a lot of reasons, but this isn’t one of them,” he squeezed him playfully.

James dried his hands on his shirt. “I’d be willing to try.”

“We’d have better luck training my cats to beatbox.” Brian kissed his head before letting him go. “I don’t want to force anything. If it happens it happens, and if it doesn’t we’ll go on more vacations. Win-win situation.”

Guess this is what love is. What finding someone that fits is like. Someone he’d one day like to love and cherish till death do they part. Given they don’t kill each other in the upcoming seasons.


End file.
